


Bigger Than The Both Of Us

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Your East And My West [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek (2009), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Developing Relationship, Dramatic Rescue, Drinking, Explicit Language, First Kiss, First Time (Implied), Friends to Lovers, M/M, Neediness, Overwhelming Need, Rescue, Spanking, Wrong Thoughts, guilty feelings, sensuous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:55:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22982074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: After Jim Kirk saves Sulu from certain death after falling from the drilling platform, Sulu is oddly unsettled.  Then Kirk confesses the same problem and it has nothing to do with their near-death experience.
Relationships: Hikaru Sulu/James T. Kirk, James T. Kirk/Hikaru Sulu
Series: Your East And My West [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1792633
Kudos: 13





	Bigger Than The Both Of Us

Hikaru Sulu didn’t want to think about it. Free falling from the drilling platform without a parachute and with no way to help himself was going to be something he was destined to dream about for a long time. Surely it would help if he could distract himself during his waking hours, but for the moment the incident was still too fresh on his mind.

It had been only a matter of hours since he'd almost died. Between that and the hand-to-hand combat that he and Kirk had been engaged in before the fall would've been enough to disturb the rest of anyone. But then they had to stand by and watch the destruction of a whole planet and know that they had been responsible for the deaths of millions of innocent people because the crew of the Enterprise had not been able to do enough to prevent it.

By rights, he shouldn't have been watching that destruction because he should've already been dead. By rights, Kirk shouldn't have been able to save him. Hikaru frowned. By rights, he should've died in the fall and then his body should have been disintegrated with the rest of Vulcan. There should be nothing physically left to show that he had ever lived.

For no matter how much he would like to alter facts, some things remained true.

He would’ve been killed if Cadet Kirk hadn’t jumped off that drilling platform after him, grabbed him in midair, and held onto him until Ensign Chekov had managed to beam them aboard the Enterprise at the last possible second before they would’ve been smashed into the rocks of Vulcan.

Then it would’ve been over. His life. His marriage. His career. No more to see his husband and their daughter. No more to be a part of something so intimate and so strong as their family. No more of Starfleet. No more of anything.

To be dead.

He couldn’t even imagine what that would be like.

Dead.

Nothing.

Dead.

But thanks to Jim Kirk, he had survived. Kirk could’ve stood on the drilling platform and been safely transported back to the ship. No one would’ve known what had really happened. No one would’ve blamed Kirk for not acting. But apparently Kirk hadn’t even thought twice about it. He had leaped after Hikaru and had saved him. Simple as that. Plucked him out of the air and had held onto him. And Kirk would’ve died holding onto him if it hadn’t been for Chekov. 

Hikaru owed Kirk. He owed him big time.

But Kirk had just acknowledged his thanks when Hikaru had offered them, and that had been that. They were still lying on the transporter pad where they had landed just seconds before. Out of breath, panicked, grateful, stunned that they were still breathing and not splattered all over the red rocks of Vulcan, they had lain there until Spock had ordered them off.

Then Kirk had gone on to something else and so had Hikaru. It was their jobs. There was no time for reminiscing or second guessing or winding down. Side-liners did that. And they were heroes, not side-liners.

But Hikaru did not feel like a hero when his shift was over and he went back to his quarters. None of it seemed real now. He called his husband and daughter in hopes that it would ground him. But after the visit, he felt worse than ever. As his old mother was fond of saying when she was at unease, he felt like running up one side of the hill and down the other. Except there were no hills on a starship, only mood swings. And his mood was as unsettled as a loose barn door in a high wind. Something was in the wind besides that loose barn door, though, and he didn't know what. But he had a sneaking hunch that it had to lead back to that freefall in Kirk's arms. And feeling safe then, despite the imminent death that was racing toward them with cannonball speed.

He had liked being in Kirk's arms.

And he wanted to be in Kirk's arms again.

But that was wrong! All wrong!

He shouldn't be feeling this way! He had a husband! A husband he loved and desired!

But there had been those arms. Those arms that had held him so tight and wouldn't let him die. Those arms that were the only connection he had to the universe. For a few heart-stopping moments, those arms had been Hikaru's universe, and it was going to be difficult to forget about being in them. All he wanted to think about was being in those arms. Just to drift and think of them and how they had made him feel....

Hikaru closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift. Just for a moment, what could it hurt. Just to drift in them....

And he felt as detached as that easy flapping barn door as he fell again through all of that nothingness....

His door pinged just as he was thinking about that loose barn door swinging and that paralyzing freefall, and he jumped. He had no idea that he was that nervous. “Come!” he called, hoping a visitor would distract him into settling down.

When he saw who it was, Hikaru thought “maybe, maybe not” about the visit being a distraction. For his visitor was Jim Kirk, the cause of his ambivalence, Hikaru suddenly realized. For it had not been his near death that had Hikaru rattled now, but what he had felt in Jim Kirk’s arms. And it all came back to him as they stared at each other through the open door. Kirk's blue eyes bore into his, and Hikaru knew that he looked as haunted as Kirk did.

The door started to shut in Kirk’s face, but he caught it, struggled with it, and then stepped inside as if he had conquered it.

"Nice save," Hikaru muttered.

"Seems to be my specialty today," Kirk muttered back, his eyes darting everywhere except to Hikaru's face.

"Listen. About today-- I want to thank you for saving me."

"You would've done the same for me," Kirk interrupted, his eyes boring into Hikaru's. "That's what teammates do."

"If you'd let go of me, you could've made a safe landing on the planet and could've been easily transported from there."

Kirk stared at him with determination. "Never an option. Both of us were saved, or neither of us. You'd done that for me, too."

Hikaru let out the guilt he'd been holding. He knew Kirk was right and surprisingly it made him feel so much better. He pursed his lips and nodded his head slightly. "Yes, I would have."

"And I'd partner up with you again, if it ever comes to that," Kirk vowed solemnly.

"Me, too. You're a helluva guy in a tight pinch." Then Hikaru managed a slight grin. "But I thought my door had you just now, though."

“Yeah, me, too,” Kirk muttered with a deep breath. “Helluva note, to live through what we experienced today and then get done in by a sliding door.” He chuckled to himself while Hikaru's smile deepened. Then Kirk glanced up at Hikaru and the smile died on his suddenly serious face. “You okay?”

“No,” Hikaru answered truthfully. Heroes didn’t answer that way, but Hikaru was answering that way now. “No, I am not. You?”

“Rattled. Still amazed that I didn’t shit my pants full.”

Hikaru nodded in agreement. “There wasn’t time. Even when we got back, there was too much going on. We watched Spock lose his mother and his home planet, and all of that drama seemed to cancel out our brush with death.”

“Will we ever get used to it, Mr. Sulu? The living with death?”

“That’s why you joined Star Fleet isn’t it, Cadet?”

Kirk grinned slowly. “It does give an adrenaline rush, doesn’t it?” 

For the first time, Hikaru grinned and meant it.

He thought that would be it, that Kirk would leave now since they had shared their war story of survival together. They had cheated Death, and they would live to serve Starfleet for a little while longer. It’s the stuff that made them comrades and shipmates and eventually legends.

“Ah, are you still sore from our little misadventure?” Kirk wanted to know, fumbling for a conversation starter, his face almost shy.

That surprised Hikaru that the usual debonair Jim Kirk was struggling for something to say. Then Hikaru got the idea that Kirk wanted to stay, but didn’t know how to approach the subject. 

Then Hikaru saw the tortured look on Kirk's face.

Could Kirk be having the same moral dilemmas he was?! Had he been stirred by the events of this afternoon in ways he shouldn’t have been stirred, either?! Was he still haunted by arms fumbling around him but wouldn't let him go?!

“I’m still sore, and I expect that I will be for a few days,” Hikaru answered as a welcome calmness settled over him. Seeing Kirk nervous seemed to ground him and give him justification for his own feelings. “I expect that you have soreness all over your body, too.”

Kirk smirked in agreement as a silly grin went over his face like he’d just found out they were having lime jello for supper and his favorite movie was going to be playing on television later on.

Hikaru sobered. “But at least I have a body to be feeling sore. And I wouldn’t have, if it hadn’t been for you. I’ll never forget how you sacrificed yourself for me. That took a great deal of courage.”

“I couldn’t just let you die,” Kirk mumbled. “Not such a fine gentleman such as yourself. And you’d just fought one helluva sword battle while I was just making do with my fists. Every moment, I was learning new things about you, new things I wanted time to admire. I just couldn’t stand by and watch such a unique person cease to exist. Not when I was just discovering him,” he added softly.

That gave Hikaru the courage to voice what he was thinking. “It would have been a loss for me, too, if something had happened to you. There are so many things to know about James T. Kirk, and I know hardly anything except for his name and his unabashed grit. But at the moment, I am finding that is enough. The rest I can learn later, now that we have the time.”

"Strange what it all comes down to, isn't it?" Kirk asked. "You learn that a man will give his life for yours. But then you learn more, too. Things like what it's like to be in his arms and knowing those might be the last arms to hold you. And in that moment that man is the most important thing in your life," Kirk said softly. "Because he's the only thing in the world that you can call your own at that moment. And that makes him damn important to you."

"Yes," Hikaru agreed softly because Kirk was saying what he hadn't been able to express. "That is all so true."

"And later," Kirk continued, then swallowed hard to get rid of the lump that had suddenly formed in his throat. "Later, you start to wonder what it would feel like to be in the guy's arms when the danger is past. When there's time to explore what the two of you were really feeling when you were clinging so tightly to each other in that moment when Death was trying to reach up and claim you both for its own. When there's finally time to say, and do, what you really wanted to do out there in the middle of the Vulcan sky." He looked up and his eyes burned into Hikaru's with the need for him to understand what he was trying so hard to say, but couldn't get it to come out right.

"Yeah," Hikaru breathed, using slang. He never used slang. But he did now.

"We've got the time now," Kirk managed to get out. "I just want you to know what you're getting into. I'm not a good prospect."

"I'm no sort of prospect at all. I'm a married man."

"I've got the morals of a rabbit."

"I shouldn't do this." He grimaced and amended it. "I can't do this."

"I don't have a loyal bone in my body. I'm no good for you. It shouldn't happen."

"Yet it's going to happen," Hikaru promised grimly.

"I know," Kirk whispered, his eyes wild but full of hope and expectation.

"So stop making excuses. It's bigger than the both of us. Let's get on with it."

"Then start looking a little happier about it, will ya? Stop acting like it's got you whipped."

A pulse beat in Hikaru's neck and he said what he was thinking. "I'd rather be whipping you. And seeing you naked. And running my hands all over that golden skin that I know has to be hiding under your damn clothes." He saw Kirk try for a smile and fail. Kirk was too caught up in Hikaru's words. "And having you want me in you a second time," Hikaru promised him. "Because there sure as hell is going to be a first time."

Great pain seemed to pass over Kirk's face as he screwed his eyes shut and breathed in deeply through his mouth. That's when Hikaru knew Kirk wasn't going to stop him from doing anything that he wanted to do. Because Kirk wanted it, too.

"And touching you in places where you long to be touched," Hikaru vowed softly. "And kissing you and watching your eyes get all smoky because you can't wait until we're doing it again." His voice hardened. "And ramming the hell out of you until you're sore and seeing stars and knowing that you're the center of my universe. And making you think that the only place that you belong is in my arms. Because that's where you belong. With me. In my arms. Only then will we both be satisfied."

Kirk's breath hitched. Tears stung his eyes. But he couldn't move from the spot. Not when Hikaru was saying such blatant things. Such blatant, wonderful things.

Tears sprang into Hikaru's eyes. "I just want to hold you and have you hold me. For hours, if need be. And then maybe, just maybe, we can both feel safe again," he whispered with emotion tearing at his tattered voice.

Kirk dropped his mouth open and gulped great lungsful of air, mouth-breather that he was. "I was so scared," he whispered. "So scared for you. And then for me. For both of us."

"Me, too," Hikaru whispered back. "But you gave me hope. And then you gave me life. And for that, you are welcome to use my body any way you so choose."

"I just want to love it," Kirk whispered. "For as long as we're allowed."

Hikaru gave him a sweet smile and studied him for a long moment as they stared at each other, unblinking. Then Hikaru sobered with a new purpose, stepped forward, and boldly placed his hand on Kirk's cheek. His palm cupped that beautiful face and both fit together perfectly.

Kirk jerked at the first touch, then steadied. Then he closed his eyes as Hikaru’s fingers pressed firmer into his face. “That feels good,” he whispered. “I wondered how that would feel.” He opened his eyes and stared into Hikaru’s dark eyes. “After I turned you loose on the transporter pad, I wanted you back in my arms again. I still do. Is that so selfish of me?” His blue eyes were blazing.

“Not if I want it, too,” Hikaru whispered back and drew Kirk into his arms.

They seemed to fit together nicely. And it felt so good to be wrapped together in their arms again.

Kirk closed his eyes and gulped down a deep breath. "No parachute. No equipment. Just us. Just what I was wanting this afternoon."

"Me, too," Hikaru whispered and smiled at him softly. Then he pulled Kirk closer. They stared into each others' eyes as their lips gently touched. Then they settled against each other for a deep, probing kiss.

After a moment, Kirk opened his mouth and whimpered as Hikaru's tongue slid neatly inside and eagerly stabbed his. Kirk moaned and knew whatever Hikaru wanted he was going to get, because Kirk was ready to surrender his whole body and soul to him.

That kiss was better than either one of them ever figured it would be. They had spent a lot of time thinking about it, and it was certainly worth the waiting for.

Hikaru was emboldened to pull Kirk up against him, similar to the way that Kirk had held onto him earlier. Except this time Hikaru's arms were steel bands crushing Kirk against Hikaru's hard body. And Kirk was molding himself to Hikaru and hoping that he could feel all that Kirk had to offer him.

It was what Kirk had been yearning for: to be held and sheltered and protected.

"This isn't real," Kirk protested as Hikaru pressed their foreheads together. Their fingers sought out sensitive places on their faces and necks. "It isn't right! I can't promise you anything that can last forever!" Kirk cried out and hated himself in that moment for his lack of fidelity.

"I'm not interested in forever!" Hikaru growled back. "All I want is now! And you! You're driving me crazy!"

Kirk sobbed from his own need, but smiled with how he was stirring this elegant gentleman who was anything but elegant at the moment. And Kirk had that power over him.

But as Hikaru's arms tightened around him, Kirk realized that Hikaru had taken only a first step, not finished a journey. And Kirk was suddenly ahead of him, because touching and kissing suddenly were not enough.

“God, I want this!” Kirk murmured as he ran his hands over Hikaru’s back, leaving trails of fire wherever he touched Hikaru.

“Not as much as I do!” Hikaru growled roughly as he shoved his leg forcefully between Kirk’s.

Kirk liked having Hikaru rammed between his legs. He hoped that it wouldn't be long before he had more of Hikaru probing him.

Their kisses got more demanding and each could feel the effects on themselves and on each other, especially in their groins as their penises began to grind against each other.

Kirk gulped wildly for air as he pulled away from Hikaru's demanding lips. “Ah, I think I should tell you, before we go very much further with all of these fun things, that I’m a bottom. And very pleased to be there,” he said shyly.

“Then get ready for a treat!" Hikaru snarled. "Because I’m a top!” He grabbed a joyful Kirk up into his arms.

Kirk yelped in pleasure and Hikaru slapped his rump with his open hand.

“Ooo! I like that!” Kirk simpered gleefully as he moved his legs to feel the sting more. "Can I have more of that, too, sir?! Please?! Please?! Pretty please?! With milk and sugar?! And then I shall be such a good boy that you will not know what to do with me!"

Hikaru grinned broadly. "I will know what to do with you! The trouble will be deciding what to do first!"

"I'm certain I will love whatever it is," Kirk murmured as his eyes fondly devoured Hikaru's face.

Hikaru laughed and slapped Kirk's bottom with gusto until his hand was stinging and Kirk was writhing in his arms in ecstatic glee. “There’s more of that for you, too! Just as quick as I can get your damn clothes off you!” Hikaru growled, but his face was split by a huge smile. Oh, how he was going to manhandle this guy!

Kirk giggled all the way to Hikaru's bed. Somehow, he knew his fondest wishes were about to come true!

Tomorrow, they might not have been very sore from the afternoon's activities, but they certainly were going to be aching from the nighttime's!

At the bed Hikaru set Kirk on his feet and pulled him into his arms. They touched foreheads as they fought to catch their breath.

"This will be good, Mr. Sulu," Kirk vowed as he gasped for air.

"You've got to learn to call me Hikaru," Sulu whispered, not trusting his voice for anything louder. His bed was so close and Kirk was so willing.

"Whatever happens out there, whatever rank I get," Kirk swore as he looked wildly into Sulu dark eyes full of desire for him, "In here, you will be 'sir' to me. Because of right now, you are in charge of us."

Hikaru Sulu knew better, but he realized that Kirk needed to believe otherwise. Every great leader needs somewhere to go where the weight of responsibility is not on him. If that was what Kirk needed from Sulu, then Sulu would provide it even if he knew better in his own heart.

Hikaru kissed him sweetly then and gently guided Kirk backwards onto Sulu's bed. He squirmed between Kirk's legs and forced them far apart so that they could lie with their excited penises rammed up against each other. From then on, it was sheer instinct and sheer pleasure.

They took their time-- time that they hadn't had when they were freefalling through the Vulcan sky-- and their lovemaking was good. And they slept the sleep of the peaceful and the righteous afterwards, wrapped securely in each other's arms. For they had saved each other that day, and they both knew it.

Later, Leonard McCoy looked around the day room. “Dammit! I thought Kirk was gonna come drinking with us tonight. Oh, well,” he said as he shrugged and swirled the whiskey in his glass. “He probably found himself some pretty skirt to chase. He’s probably tucked all nicely and comfy into bed with it by this time and making the rest of us wish we were doing the same thing he was doing.”

Bones didn’t know how right he was.

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing of Star Trek, its characters, and/or its story lines.


End file.
